Happy Mardi Gras!

May you fling many beads and be flashed repeatedly tonight... here's Engel demonstrating what can happen if enough beads are thrown.

Reverse Psychology

Communication is the key...

"I'm hot enough that I know I have your attention for at least 30 seconds."


"I'm Engel, naked on a large rock, and I approve this message."

Hystery in the Making

In finalizing details for a shoot last Friday, I mentioned to the model, Rebecca, that McCain would be announcing his VP pick at a rally not far from where we were planning to shoot. She thought it would be fun to "crash" the event, so I went to my nearby Republican campaign office and scored tickets to the big fiasco. As a venue, the Nutter Center is THE most fucked-up place to see anything -- worst parking scheme, worst building layout, worst acoustics -- so compound that with the added security of a presidential campaign stop and I knew we were in for a fun time. So we were there for the announcement that Sarah Palin would be McCain's VP pick. Rebecca was initially crestfallen, imaging the 18 million Hillary voters who were presented as all belonging to the PUMA (Party Unity My Ass) movement, all breaking ranks to vote for John "Five Plane" McCain and Governer "Hockey Mom" Palin.

Like virtually everyone else in the building (McCain included), I had no idea who Palin was, or what she stands for. Having had a little time to haunt some of my political resources, it's pretty clear that her primary qualification is that she's a woman, and she's supposed to appeal to the fundamentalist right-wingers and "young earth" creationists. And she definitely appeals to McCain on a VPILF level, as she greeted him with an air kiss and he was repeatedly checking out her ass during her speech while fiddling with his wedding ring. But the cost is huge for McCain, in that it completely deflates his entire argument that Obama lacks experience to be president, especially since McCain's health is so dodgy, and casts further doubt on his judgment, the crux of Obama's campaign (judgement over experience). The video below does a good (and entertaining) job of summarizing what a reckless move this is for McCain...and the video seems to have been produced by a Republican.

But still, it makes me wonder if they have something else up their sleeve... so, just in case, do what you can.



The photo at top is Engel, who also does a great job of pulling off the sexy librarian look. :)

Want

Events and conversations of the past few days, weeks, months have led me to question almost every aspect of myself as a photographer, and as a person.

There was a song by Joe Jackson a number of years back (I'd probably be shocked if I looked up just how long ago... jeez, 1988?) called "You Can't Get What You Want 'Til You Know What You Want" which was an unwieldy title for a pop song, and at the time, it seemed kind of stupidly obvious. I was just out of college at the time, so of course, I knew everything back then.

Nowadays I'm not so sure.

Seems lately people have been asking "what do you want?" in the sense of what direction do I want to take with my life, and what I want to get out of it, and I guess what do I want to leave as a legacy, if such a thing is possible. I remember my Dad talking about how "values clarification" was the key to everything, in the sense that figuring out what's important to you is the first step to pursuing that. 

At the same time, I'm having trouble figuring "what do I want?" in more immediate situations, too. What do I want to achieve this year? Where do I want to live? Do I want to attend this event, or take part in that? Where do I want my work seen? What do I want to sell it for? Do I want to be a photographer for hire? What do I want to achieve with tonight's shoot? Even a simple question of "what do I want for lunch?" is rarely clear cut.

I'm also one to immediately dismiss my wants as either stupid, impractical or unattainable, which doesn't help in achieving them.

Recently, I stumbled onto a reference to the concept of the Fox and the Hedgehog, taken from the Greek poet Archilochus. It contends "The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing." Do I want to be a fox or a hedgehog? I guess at this point, I'd have to say I'm a fox, in that my life is so divided and various aspects rise and fall in importance and influence. Or maybe that's just being a dilettante. But maybe I need to figure out what that one big thing is for me. (You can also refer to Curly's "One thing" from the City Slickers movies.)

At 45, I'm probably past the midpoint of my life, and may be at a good time to sort it out and chart a course. And also in my photography... I guess I've been something of a "fox" in that regard, dividing my time between studio and location work, nudes and portraits and even glamourish, color and black and white, and a variety of stylistic approaches. Looking around, it seems that the "hedgehogs" may be on the right track... photographers who have developed a readily identifiable "signature style" and to an extent staked their claim to that style -- although it sometimes seems to me like they've put all their eggs in that one basket, so to speak. Or I have established that style and don't recognize it because I'm so close to it?

All of this aimless pondering is newly complicated by a situation that happened recently, in that a couple of friends of mine were put in something of a bad situation, indirectly triggered by me taking pictures in their home. I don't want my friends to deal with that kind of fallout in return for being generous to me.

I don't want drama, but I don't want to be clueless about my personal surroundings nor oblivious to situations that may concern me. So, where do I go from here?

What do I want?

Simplify

In a strange state of mind... I need to find a way to simplify.

Weekend Worriers

This weekend has been much on my mind in recent weeks for various reasons, and my perceptions continue to evolve as it has just begun to unfold, and some things I thought I knew have been confirmed, while others contradicted.



More later... housekeeping has arrived, and I should be heading off to the shoot.

Drafted

Just looked, and I have over 40 draft posts in my blogger queue, mostly just a photo or two, or a few words from a stifled rant.

Someone asked me "why have a blog if you're not going to say anything?"

I guess so I can post pictures.

From top to bottom, Engel, Adrianna, and Naughtya

Barrel Roll

My iPod takes an interminably long time to update for some reason, so while I'm waiting for that, just a stray thought or two.

Obviously, Engel wearing an orange barrel on the street IS art.

Had a brief thrill this week when I was contacted by a photo editor at the New York Times asking permission to run one of my shots of Katie Reider in a profile they were doing. I of course granted permission and sent them the high res file immediately. Then they decided there was only room for one photo, which would be the typical singing/playing guitar shot, so mine would not be used. I think I jinxed it when I mentioned it to some people I know in NYC, hoping they could grab me a copy (it was set to run in the Metro section, only available in NYC) so the cosmos must have caught wind of it and stomped on it. When I first got the news, Tia said that it must be karma, after doing what I could to spread the word and promote her fundraiser, which felt sort of warm and fuzzy as a concept. Following that logic, having it pulled out from under me must also be karma, too, possibly for being excited about having a photo published as part of an obituary. Obviously thinking it would be used, then to have it "killed" is harsher than never being considered at all.

Turns out the article focused largely on Katie's continuing to keep faith in God, despite the devastating illness that caused her so much suffering before her death. I don't know... I simply couldn't believe in any god that would subject someone to that kind of torture just to teach them some sort of a lesson. Katie had a female life partner with whom she had two children, a lifestyle so vilified by most "Christians" that it seems to me to add an extra irony to her managing to keep her faith. So many "Christians" would tell her that it must be God's wrath and punishment for being homosexual, yet she kept her understanding of God clear in her mind. While I don't share her belief, I do have to admit that her faith was mighty strong.

Weiss Engel

Slowly catching up... these were from a while ago, but seem like just a week or two back. The angelic Engel in my studio... might get another shoot with her this weekend if things go well. Probably outdoors this time, if things go well.

California: Ranch Undressing

Workshop day 2 was "hot and cold" as they say... the weather remained hot and virtually cloudless, but dry with more shaded areas, so pretty reasonable. The models were great, and I even managed to work with a couple of "bonus" models -- one of the wardrobe assistants (who despite denying being a model, is actually quite an experienced model), and one of the other photographers, which is always fun -- even though I myself hate being on the other side of the camera. But I digress.

One harsh to my Cali mellow was that during a shoot late in the day, I'd forgotten that I pulled the card from my camera to pull images off it, and didn't put it back. SOMEHOW my camera was set to shoot without a card (this is a setting used when photographers connect the camera directly to their computer), so some of my favorite shots of the day disappeared into the ether. Once I figured out that I'd done it, the model was kind enough to redo a couple of the shots, but it's hard to re-capture a moment, and I can't help but think that the ones that evaporated were supergreat. As some wise man once observed, "Never enough time to do it right, always enough time to do it over."

So, shortly after this episode of stupidity, we were all gathered to review a slideshow of what people had shot during the course of the workshop (the reason I had pulled the card from my camera in the first place, even though I didn't manage to find a laptop I could borrow so I wasn't able to submit). As I tend to do in those situations, I just kept kicking myself for the shots I didn't get, and how well most everyone did. Most people took full advantage of the colors of the setting and the wardrobe options and got some real eye-popping images. As I'm prone to do, I opted to shoot mainly nudes, mostly B&W, concerning myself more with light, shadow and texture. But I still feel I missed the opportunity to break out of my habits (rut?) and do something different, but I have a hard time doing that when I can hear the meter running. Once I'm home, I may look into more of that sort of thing, but I won't have the access to the wardrobe and styling pros I had there.

After my little rant about shooters "poaching" shots over the shoulders of photographers, I got an e-mail from the organizers asking people NOT to post those shots. A number of the shoots were specifically intended to appear in Marquis magazine, but if they appear elsewhere, even on ModelMayhem, even if it's a "behind the scenes" shot, Marquis won't run them. Apparently, at least one set of shots has already been compromised. So, in addition to the aggravation these poachers cause, now there's a chance of actual damages that will cost the organizers money and put their publication at risk. This also affects the companies providing the wardrobe, the stylists, the MUAs, the models, everyone. So, a lesson to photographers: don't poach, don't tolerate poaching.

As I was leaving the ranch location, I happened to look down and see a USB "thumb drive" lying on the ground. I picked it up and noticed that it looked like mine, but how would mine have gotten there? Virtually everyone was gone, so I figured I'd just check out whose shots were on it and mail it to them. Got it to my computer, and sure enough, it WAS my drive. Dumb luck that I happened to be the one to find it... very odd. The two shots with this article were among the random stuff on the "recovered" drive, so I figured I'd use them for this post. Miss Kittie and Engel...

Cheeky...

Just a different perspective this afternoon...

Good Friday...

Just thought I'd observe the holiday with this image of Alkemie striking a familiar pose, and with Engel and Alex reinterpreting a familiar scene.